Meet Fluffy & Lulu

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Back in February this year, my beloved skinny pig named Pinkie passed away. Being the animal lover that I am, the best way for me to cope with the loss of a precious pet is to find another creature to love and nurture. Knowing that skinny pigs often have more health issues than furry guinea pigs due to their weakened immune systems, I opted to find some guinea pigs with hair this time.

As a child, I had a black and white bunny named Prince who was absolutely a sweetheart. Unfortunately, as time went on, I adapted an allergic reaction to him and had to give him away. Plus, I was not yet responsible enough to take on the task of caring for another living thing. My allergies swayed me to stay away from rodents for a while after that.

In 2013, I got my beautiful hamster named Hammie after realizing that my allergies did not apply to hamster fur. In 2015 when she passed away, I held both a rabbit and a guinea pig to see if the same thing applied but within seconds of holding them my eyes got watery, red, and itchy, and my throat got scratchy─I realized that this type of fur was a no go for me.

By a miracle, I went in to PetSmart and saw Fluffy─a pig with so much hair it sticks out in all directions. I asked the employee to let me hold him for a couple minutes and to my surprise, nothing. Even less of an allergic reaction than I had with my skinny pig Pinkie, which would cause my skin to break out into rashes and hives if I held him for too long.

I decided to get the guinea pig, and his friend that he had with him in his cage. The employee told me they had been together since birth and had not been separated. I could tell they were close because when I picked up one of them, the other one went up to the cage and started to cry. What kind of a monster would be so cruel as to break them apart?

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When I got home, Jacob and I tried to think of names for these little guys. Fluffy’s name came easily, because, he’s so darn fluffy and cute! His fur is so soft, you could make the most comfortable blanket out of it. Lulu’s name came as a joke. For some reason Jacob kept calling him Legume, and still calls him Legume to this day. Me, a sane person and not one to call my pet after a vegetable, decided to call him Lulu for short. Thus, Fluffy and Lulu were born.

It’s been a month since I’ve gotten them and thankfully no allergic breakouts yet! They are starting to warm up to me and love to climb on the cage and scream at me for food whenever I walk in the room, rustle a bag, open the fridge, open the cupboards─these guys get excited for literally everything. 

It’s so cute how they are the best of friends─I’m so happy I was able to get both of them.

fluffy]lulu


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Goodbye Stinky 🐾❤

When I first got Stinky, it came from a bad situation. On Friday the 13th in February of 2015, my hamster Hammie got sick and died. A couple of weeks later, I went to PetSmart and bought an adorable skinny pig named Jasper. Two weeks later, on Friday the 13th in March of 2015, I came home to find Jasper dead in his cage after only two weeks of having him. I was feeling pretty depressed about losing two pets in a matter of a single month, especially the eeriness of them both passing on Friday the 13th. After sobbing on my couch for a little bit, I called PetSmart to see if they had any more skinny pigs in stock. Luckily, PetSmart’s 14 day guarantee was still in effect, so I would not have to pay anything extra for my new friend. 

On the car ride to the store, Jacob and I joked about what he would look like. “I bet he’s going to be all pink.” We both imagined him being really pink and wrinkly, so we decided to call him Pinkie, if he was pink upon seeing him. When we got there, a sweet girl named Nikki went and brought the new skinny pig out so we could see him. He was in her hands all cuddled up. As she came closer to us, she said, “This one’s a lot more pink than your other little guy.” Jacob and I looked at each other in disbelief―our guesses were accurate! Thus, Pinkie was born. Nikki handed him over to me and I couldn’t believe how quiet he was in that moment. He was so sweet and healthy looking and beautiful. I loved him right away.

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Skinny pigs were on sale that day, so we actually got $10.00 back for taking him (which became a long running joke). We brought him back home, and put him in his new home. For the first few months, Pinkie was extremely skittish and shy. It definitely took him some time to warm up to me. Honestly, I would say that it took me a while to warm up to him as well in a sense. After losing Hammie, I was still hurt for a while. But Pinkie was great to hold and to cuddle and to make me feel better when I needed it. That’s one thing he was good at―he was always there for you. Sure, he didn’t contribute much to the conversation except for a chorus of “wheek, wheek, wheek” here and there. However, he was a very good listener and a great cuddle buddy. 

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The next month, I decided to get Pinkie a friend. After all, guinea pigs are supposed to be very social animals. Whenever I wasn’t at home, I wanted Pinkie to be kept company and to have a friend of his own species to play with. Coincidentally, Nikki from the pet store that sold me Pinkie was a breeder, and was trying to sell one of her skinny pigs. Around Easter, I went to her apartment to pick him up. He was very scrawny and little looking. We called him Peanut. Peanut never warmed up, unfortunately. He hated being held, pet, and cuddled with. Whenever I took him out, he would just pee on me to get me to bring him back. Peanut loved Pinkie so much―I like to think that he thought of Pinkie as being a big brother. He would follow him around, try to play with him, and burrow under him when he was scared. Pinkie, however, was quite the opposite. He hated Peanut from the very beginning. Pinkie wanted to be the dominant one, and would fight for that right no matter what. Pinkie did not want to share his food or his home. Pinkie did not want to be followed around the cage. Pinkie was not looking for a friend. I tried everything in the book to get them to bond. Separating them but keeping cages close together so they can smell each other, putting them on the ground with a pile of veggies, etc.

As you can tell from this picture, Pinkie was less than impressed with Peanut.

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Five months later, I was tired of trying and I was tired of the fighting. Blood was beginning to be drawn and scars were being made. So, Peanut was sold to a new mommy and Pinkie was a lone piggy again. Pinkie’s energy levels went up, he seemed perky and happy, and he stopped looking so angry all of the time―LOL

As the months went on since I first got Pinkie, I noticed his skin drastically changing color. In fact, so much so that his name had to be changed. His skin turned from pink to brown as he aged. I could have named him Brownie, but I chose Stinky instead. Or, Stinks for short, as Jacob called him. His official name was still Pinkie, but Stinky just stuck for the remainder of his piggy life. For the rest of this post, he will now be known as Stinky. Just so no one gets confused. 

In 2016, I had the hardest year of my entire life. Perhaps one day I’ll write an emotional post about it. Stinky was there for me through all of it. Even though I loved him since day one, that year really brought us together. I would cry and he would snuggle up with me and make me feel a million times better. He began to love his cuddles and his kisses. He even started to kiss back. I would kiss his cheek, then he would kiss mine. It was the cutest thing in the world.

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We already established that 2016 was a shit year for me. That year, Stinky’s health also started to deteriorate. For an entire year he was fine with no problems. But that year, his health started to drop and kept dropping until he passed, with more and more problems with no stop in sight. He had:

  • Cataracts in both eyes.
  • Glaucoma in one eye.
  • Urinary tract infections.
  • Gastrointestinal issues.
  • Bladder stones.
  • Bumblefoot.  
  • Weight fluctuations. 

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That poor little guy endured so much for the next three years. He was on a daily eye drop medication for his glaucoma and would be on antibiotics so much that his body would always become immune to them, and the vet would either have to increase the dosage or switch the brand. When he had bladder stones, he would often pass them which was good. It meant they were small enough to pass through the urethra. Of course, it meant blood in his pee and urinary tract infections up to that point. But the stones eventually did pass―until the final one.

Stinky was a trooper, and although he had all of these issues, it did not affect his way of life whatsoever. He was such a happy little skinny pig. Stinky would prance, dance, and squeak all over the cage. Stinky loved the sound of the fridge opening or a bag crinkling because he knew that meant food was on its way. Stinky loved cuddles. He loved to be on my neck right up against my jaw, with a soft blanket covering him. He loved his pink patch on his head being rubbed, and he loved the back of his ears being scratched. 

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Stinky and I had some amazing times together.

Dressing up together on Halloween . . .

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. . . seeing Santa Claus at Christmastime . . .

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. . . and a photo shoot I had with him a couple of weeks before he died. I am so blessed I was able to get these photos. 

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Stinky was suffering from another bladder stone and urinary tract infection when he died. The night before I brought him to the vet, I noticed he was not eating or going to the bathroom which worried me, because those were his favorite things to do. He also squeaked quite loudly, which concerned me as that could mean he was in a lot of pain. When the vet opened the next morning, I called and made an appointment for that day. Two hours later we were in the car with Stinky and on the way to the vet. Before we went, I cuddled up with him on my bed one last time. In my heart, I kind of felt like it was the last time, too. I cried and the tears ran down my cheeks and he kissed me like he knew, too.

In the veterinarian’s room, she told me she thinks it would be best at this point to euthanize him. His bladder stone was stuck in his urethra and he was unable to pee. If put into emergency surgery, she said he would likely die trying to remove it. Stinky was in unbearable pain and could not urinate, eat, or drink. He had no energy. Stinky could barely lift his head up. It was such a devastating moment to see him like that. I didn’t want Stinky to go that way. I wanted him to be eight years old, in his cage in his cuddle cube which he loved so much.

We were there for four hours saying goodbye to him. It was just so hard for both Jacob and I, knowing this was the last time we were going to see our best friend.

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Our last moments together were so touching. I cuddled him and he snuggled right up to me, as he always did. He seemed to know that it was time. Even though he had no energy to lift his ears, or his head, or to eat, he still had enough energy to lift his head up and give me a couple of last kisses goodbye. Four hours later, I handed him over to the vet and said goodbye for the last time. He died on February 21st, 2019.

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Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

It will be a while until I see Stinky again, but I know I will again one day. Thank you Stinky for being the best friend that anyone could ask for and for always putting a smile on my face. You were so incredibly loved and I promise to never forget you and to keep you in my heart forever and always. 

R.I.P STINKY

2015―2019

Angel Stinky


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Meet Jasper

After the loss of my pet hamster Hammie last February, I was on a search to find the one pet I wanted more than any other. A skinny pig. What is a skinny pig? A hairless guinea pig. I know, they sound weird. You think of pink and wrinkly when you hear hairless, but they’re actually the most adorable things ever. No store in my city had them, and the store owners said whenever they do have them, they’re usually gone within a few hours to a day. Yup, they’re pretty popular, everyone loves these things. So I had to wait a week until they had one, and my mom fell in love with him even before I did. He’s cuddly, he cries when he’s upset. he whines when he wants food, and he purrs when you pet him, and he snuggles up to you. A small animal that cuddles with you? I’m in love!

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I’m not sure what I love more. The big eyes, the floppy ears, or the cute little muzzle. I love it all! I named him Jasper after Jasper T. Jowls from Chuck E. Cheese. He’s the dog mascot (there’s a mouse, chicken, monster, dog, and a human mascot). And he’s my favourite one so like I do with literally all of my pets, I named him before I even got him or saw what he looked like. But I think it fits him quite well! 

They live five to eight years rather than one to two like hamsters, so we have a long journey ahead of us! So glad I got this little baby, he’s absolutely precious. ❤

See you soon,

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Goodbye Hammie

Her name was Hammie and she was the most beautiful, loving, sweetest hamster in the whole world. I got her one evening in August. It was a day after I got my foot stung by a bee, and I was allergic, and my whole foot swelled up and I couldn’t even walk. I had McDonald’s for dinner that night and I wore red flats with my white dress with the black hearts. And there I walked into Pet Smart, where originally I was going to get a hermit crab for my room. For years I wanted a gold hamster named Hammie. A month before, my boyfriend and I talked about how cool it would be to get a hamster for my birthday. I tried to convince him to get me one, but Jacob said he wouldn’t do that without my mom’s permission. Well, damn.

Now this was two years ago, about five days after my birthday. And I saw her: Hammie, the gold hamster, the one I thought about getting for years but never actually thought I would. She was running on her wheel in a cage with another hamster, a darker one. Jacob and I laughed because her bum looked really big as she ran. I didn’t even look at the crabs. I saw the girl who worked there and asked if she can make sure no one buys her and she said, “No problem”. A bunch of kids looked at her but I knew that they couldn’t buy her so it was all good. I texted my mom pretending I already bought her, to see what she would say. Surprisingly she let me get her, she must’ve known how good I’ve gotten taking care of pets, having fish and frogs in my room for years. (We had rabbits and hamsters before, let’s just say I kinda neglected them. That’s why I was surprised she let me get one.) 

I stayed at that Pet Smart for four hours, walking around the area, going into Best Buy, then coming back around nine so I could get her and then catch my ride. The girl working there picked her up, said, “Come here, princess,” and she let me hold her. I’ll never forget the first time I ever pet her. I was so shocked that her fur was so soft. Softer than any other animal, including dogs and cats. It was so silky and beautiful. I loved her already.

That night she bit me and I accidentally dropped her on my floor. The next day I poked my hand in the cage while she was sleeping and she bit me again. Always listen to your parents, kids. My mom told me to leave her alone for a few days, but she was so cute, I just wanted to play with her! This is a picture from the night I got her, the very first picture of her ever:

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You can see her yellow ball (which she hated) in the background, and I let her chew on my cuticle remover stick. She was just a baby, and absolutely adorable. It didn’t take me long to fall in love with her. Over the next year, she was right beside my bed. Literally, there’s a desk where she’d be. She was the first thing I looked at when I woke up, and the last thing I looked at before I fell asleep. When I came home, no matter where from, the first thing I would do is go up and pick her up and cuddle. Not take off shoes, coat, not pet my dog, just go straight to Hammie before anything else. She loved treats; her favourites were sunflower seeds, strawberry yogurt drops, and honey yogurt drops.

We were so close and did everything together. I thought about her all the time when we weren’t together. And we were always spending time together when we were. I bought her the cutest bedding, the most awesome toys, and gave her all the love in the world. She’s all I would ever talk about. I’m sure my family and friends got annoyed, but I always had so many stores to share. Like how one time, I left her bag of treats open and she ran into it, dug her claws into it so I couldn’t pull her out, and stuffed ten treats in her mouth. I had to shake the bag to get her out of it. Or the time when I took her to the vets and she was scared so she was climbing all over me to feel safe. Or when she stuffed her cheeks with food. Or the time when I gave her a huge treat and she refused to let go of it. She brought it on her wheel and refused to let it go. 

She meant the world to me and hopefully I meant the world to her. She was healthy, cute, and happy. Come November, I noticed that she was going blind. Her eyes were beginning to turn white in the middle. At first I tried to say it was my imagination, but a week later I knew it had to be cataracts. We took her to the vet where (sorry if you’re reading this) the vet had absolutely no idea whatsoever on what she was talking about. She said it wasn’t cataracts, and that she had a deformed pupil, etc, but I really think it was cataracts. So anyway, she was blind. From there on, I just thought about her dying and it made me so sad. The song “Gary Come Home” from Spongebob Squarepants made me feel even more sad, I just pictured terrible things:

  1. Her dying.
  2. Having to put her body in a box.
  3. Cleaning out her cage after she died.
  4. Living without her.

It was like a vicious cycle I couldn’t get out of. From November until February, I would cry at least once a week just thinking about it, and she was healthy then. Everyone knew she was my baby, everyone. Then one day, I took her out of her cage, and noticed a red mark underneath her chin. I almost cried like crazy but I thought to myself, “Calm down, it’s probably just nothing like her eyes.” To this day, I still have no idea what was wrong with her. But it’s what killed her. She got this two days before the new year. But she looked fine, was still healthy, etc. I didn’t know if it was a bite, a rash, or something else. But days went by and nothing happened. Okay. Then I noticed it started to get bigger, and freaked out, cried, the whole ordeal. Still acting/looking normal. Then it got worse, developed an odour, and I didn’t know what to do. People told me she was losing hair but I pretended not to notice. Should I take her to the vets? The vet is so pricey where I live, almost $100 just to get them looked at. So I didn’t want to go down that route. I tried online, found nothing. To this day I still regret it, saying I could’ve done something differently and it’s all my fault. But even if I took her, would they have known what it was? Probably not. The day before she died I actually made an appointment for the next day to take her in. And she died. I could’ve taken her that day but I didn’t want to.

It was February 12. I just got home from getting my nose ring changed from black to green. My mom made perogies for dinner and put a piece of lettuce on it, pretending to be fancy like how a restaurant does it. I gave a piece of the lettuce to Hammie, and she (in her sick form) gobbled it up right away. Even though she couldn’t walk, couldn’t clean herself, couldn’t do anything, she still loved her food. I didn’t take any pictures. It was too sad. Her bones were deformed, she lost a lot of her hair, she had open sores all over her body and she looked so sad. It was terrible. A few hours later I was watching a movie, and saw she hadn’t eaten her fave treat yet. Weird. This was at 11 PM. I picked it up (she was in her green hut) and I tried to show it to her. I poked my hand in her hiding spot, but she didn’t grab it. I peeked in, and saw her lying there, not moving, eyes open. I bawled. I thought she was already dead. I threw open the cage, took off the hut, and saw her. I picked her up and noticed she was breathing. Now, I have no idea still and never will if she was concious or not. I watched a video on YouTube of someone’s last minutes with their hammy so I knew what them dying looked like. This was it. So I don’t know if she was really there, or if her soul had gone already, but her body was still physically alive. She was barely breathing, and gasping for air. For three hours. She lay in my hand for three hours until she died. My boyfriend came over at one in the morning, an hour before she passed. It was Friday the 13th, the day she died. I hate that day even more now. Before she died, her muscles tensed and she grabbed onto my finger. Then she was gone. The moment I was fearing for months instead of just enjoying her being alive. I think it sort of prepared me, though. But I feel so bad. She didn’t die healthy, happy. She died sick and unrecognisable. She loved food until the day she passed, her last few days she’d just sit in her foot dish and snack. I miss her so much. It’s weird not coming home anymore and seeing her. Sometimes I still look to where her cage used to be and half expect to see her, then it hurts when I realize I just forgot she was gone for a second. It still feels like she’s here.

Some would say she was just a hamster, but for all of the hamster owners out there, you guys know how it is. Hammie made me so happy so I just want to tell her thanks for that, and that I loved her so much and I hope wherever she is now has a giant wheel, all the treats she can ask for, and maybe a friend or two. I only look back on good memories. The day she finally let me hold her, her favourite spot in a desk I had to get rid of, the look on her face when I showed her a treat. The way she cleaned herself, chewed on the bars, ran around my floor. I’m glad Hammie was a part of my life, even though it was only for a short time. I wish she would’ve made it to two years. But I’m glad I got to have her. She gave me eighteen months of happiness and joy. She meant everything to me and I adored her to the ends of the world. In the spring we are burying her and having a memorial. Right now the vets are keeping her body safe. But I feel an empty spot now. I got a locket that says “I Love You…” and I will put her picture in it so she can always be with me. A video tribute will be uploaded soon.

Goodbye, ❤ Hammie. ❤ Rest in peace wherever you are. I wish you could come home. I’d do anything to see you again even for a minute. ❤

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Listen to Hammie’s little squeak here: 

Thank you for reading. R.I.P Hammie ❤

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Update

Here’s another update! The sixth one, to be exact. I just started a new job at a pet store so that’s taking up a lot of my time and I am also still working hard on both my YouTube channel, and my book. But a huge thing that happened recently in my life is my pet Hammie, died. When I feel like I’m ready I will make a whole tribute blog post just in her memory, like I did for my other animals. Of course she was the closest one to me though, so it’s been tough. Some days are easier than others and today was a pretty rough one. Good news though, I ordered a skinny pig and I am oh so excited to meet her. I love her already! But no one can ever replace my Hammie. Stay tuned within the next week for more blogs. — Victoria Hecnar xoxo

Goodbye Engelbert

Engelbert’s Official Eulogy: It’s never easy when a pet dies. Especially one that you have formed such an emotional connection with. This post is about my fish. Before you call me crazy for loving a fish so much, I just want to say that he was more than a fish to me; he was more like a dog. (As crazy as that sounds). A pet is a pet no matter what . . . mostly, I don’t form an emotional connection with my pet fish, but for Engelbert, I had. He was born late August 2012 and lived until May 4th, 2014. 

The story starts off with me going to PetSmart on September 7th, 2012, to pick up some new fish. I had a fish named “Santa’s Favourite Elf” (don’t ask me why – me and an old friend named it) that had died, and I needed new ones. I bought a whole bunch of fish, including black goldfish and gold mystery snails. Then, a worker there came up to me and said: “Hi, we have a fish with only one eye and we can’t sell it, and nobody wants it, so do you want it? It’s free.” I was like, okay, cool, free fish! She showed me it, and at first I thought it was pretty ugly ’cause y’know one eye and everything. He didn’t lose it in a fight, he just was a very sick and mutated fish. His eye was actually still there, just dug really, really deep into his body so of course he was unable to use it. So there I am, I’m off with my new fish and whatever. I get home, put them in a tank. Within a month, every single one of the fish in there except for Engelbert was dead. (Also, I named him Engelbert because at the time I thought he needed an ugly name to fit him . . . That was so mean, he’s like the cutest fish ever) One of the black goldfish literally jumped out of the tank (stupid fish), and I found him on the floor, all dried up, with his tail sticking in the air. He must’ve been flapping around out of the water. He had a brother or sister, and then they died a week later. They stared out into the spot where he had jumped out, it was pretty sad. Fish have good relationships with each other and feelings, too. We don’t give fish enough credit. They’re not smart but they are way smarter than we give them credit for. Did you know fish can actually see in colour? Not many animals can. Fun fact. Anyway, caring on. Then the snails died. One was a mom and one was a daughter, it was so cute. The daughter would ride on the mom’s shell everywhere around the tank. But then, the daughter died, and the mother was so distraught she refused to come out of her shell so eventually she died, possibly from starvation because she refused to eat. I think there was other fish, too, but anyway, there was Engelbert. My brother and I had a mini contest going. He told me Engelbert would be the first to die, and I said, he’d be the last. I won. Woo-hoo. His tank was directly beside my bed, and I had the honour of being able to watch him almost 24/7. I even wrote a blog post over a year ago on my old blog about him. Soon, his infectious happiness just seemed to grow on me.

Engelbert was the happiest fish I have ever seen. Seriously. The healthiest fish I have ever had will just sit there staring off into nothing and only swim around when necessary. Engelbert was in pain half of his life, yet he loved food. And he was a smart cookie. I would show him his food, and he would swim in circles, flip around. Food excited him, it was so cute. My mom and I referred to him as a “dog”. That’s how he acted around food. Also, he loved money. If you put a bill up to his tank, he’d get really excited. Also if you waved to him – he loved people. Sometimes it looked like he even waved back.

Here is some of the conditions that he had and miraculously recovered from:

  • One eye missing
  • Poor swimmer
  • Excessive bloating 
  • Scales turning red, purple, and even black (he’s naturally a very bright orange fish)
  • Skin peeling off excessively
  • Internal and external bleeding
  • Weird tumorous looking bumps all over his body
  • Weird white spots all over his body
  • Cataract in one eye (as you all know, cataract is something you do not recover from. Once you have it, you have it for life unless you get immediate surgery on it. Engelbert’s whole eye turned pure white. No black. He couldn’t see and was completely blind; it was creepy to look at. A few days later and his eye was back to normal.)
  • Very weak immune system (which would lead to bacterial infections, and sickness)
  • Dropsy (a fatal bacterial infection that you do not recover from – this is how he died.)
  • And more

I used to call him my “miracle fish”. I still do. You know Finding Nemo, where Dory says: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming”? I also used to say that Engelbert was the one who invented that quote, because it just related to him so much. When he turned purple and bled and skin peeled, he would swim around more than any of the other healthy fish. He loved to swim. Sorry, Dory. Engelbert did it better.

© Finding Nemo 2003

© Finding Nemo 2003

Again, he was just a fish, yet Engelbert always surprised me, and never failed to inspire me. We were almost together for two years, and it’s been a good one. I would always fear the way he died. I’m not religious, but even I prayed that Engelbert would just die a peaceful, painless death at an old age. He had a happy life, that’s for sure, and enjoyed life’s simple pleasures (of being a fish, anyway). His bloating would come and go, but about two months ago, he started becoming so bloated, I thought he would explode. His natural bright orange colour faded away into a pale, sick-looking yellow colour. His scales puffed out and became filled with a white liquid and his whole body was bleeding from the inside and out. Every day he would be bleeding and it was really hard to watch. It looked really painful, yet still, that little guy refused to give up. My friend told me, “If he’s still swimming it means he’s still fighting and not ready to die”. And that really kept me going and felt good. Although he was very large and had difficulty swimming, he still did it, and loved it – especially the food part. Then, weeks and weeks went by. The tank got filthy, he looked even more sick. He couldn’t even swim. I think he died because dropsy is the process of having a weak immune system, so the fish’s body can no longer process water, and it gets built up inside of you – so I think he died by having his insides crushed, which makes me feel even more sad. He was such a happy fish and did not deserve any of that to happen to him. I’m not saying any fish deserves it, but, especially not him – he loved life as a fish and was always so happy and didn’t stop fighting until he couldn’t fight anymore. A few weeks ago, (the weekend of May 4th), he stopped swimming. I would show him the food, you could see his eye dance but he couldn’t move to eat. He tried so hard, he just couldn’t move. He couldn’t swim. He couldn’t get up for food. And if I tried waving to him, he would try his hardest to swim away and avoid eye contact, almost as if he was ashamed of being seen looking like that. It was so sad. It pains me to say this, but, it was better off this way. I couldn’t keep seeing him in pain day after day. So finally, on May 4th, I was writing some of my book and I reached over on my bed to look at the rough copy of it for notes and his mouth was clamped shut, so I knew he stopped breathing.

Whenever a pet or someone I know dies, I just want to get in the funeral and out as soon as possible. I still feel bad about this, but, I didn’t really do anything special for his death. We flushed him in the toilet, and I said a couple nice words. In my head, I was ranting off into paragraphs (sort of like this). So I guess this is kind of late, but, this is for you, Engelbert! It was really hard to say goodbye because I didn’t want to. Not for years to come. He was my special little fish and I loved him with all of my heart. ❤ 

Then, I felt even worse because I heard a lot about people burying their favourite fish, not flushing them. I felt so guilty because since he meant soooo much to me, I had myself going: “Why didn’t I bury him? I’m such a terrible person.” Then my dad and boyfriend helped me a lot by saying: “Engelbert would have wanted to be in the ocean where all of the other fish are. The water is where fish belong, not in the ground. Water is their habitat, where they’re meant to be, and where they want to be.” Now I feel way better. (And then my boyfriend was saying how dirty the water is that there could be some kind of nuclear distortion in the water that would make him come back to life as a super fish. Haha, he’s insane.) 

So I miss seeing him next to me every night, I miss being able to watch his happiness, I miss being able to become happy by being with him, and I miss him overall. Sometimes I blame myself and I know I shouldn’t. I loved him so much and hopefully he knew it. I had to spend several nights with his dirty water in an alone, empty tank beside my bed which made matters worse. Now, I have new fish to live on in his memory. I will miss you, Engelbert! This blog post is for your memory as well.

I could go on much longer, but I’ll just leave it with this: Thank you so much, Engelbert. For teaching me to be strong when I feel weak, for teaching me to keep moving when I didn’t want to do anything, and for inspiring me to always be happy. ❤ You were my favourite fish and will always be my favourite fish, and I will never forget you. Hopefully you are somewhere in fishy heaven right now reading this and dancing around happily. 🙂

Rest in paradise, Engelbert. I will miss you. ♥

Rest in paradise, Engelbert. I will miss you. ♥

 

Engelbert and I September 2013.

Engelbert and I September 2013.

 


Hopefully, this section of my blog will be more happy. I will always love Engelbert the most, but, meet the new gang!

After Engelbert died, I made a resolution to buy fish of his same kind to live on his memory. Unfortunately they had no pure Engelberts. They mated his type with a black fish so they have black tails. Still, they’re replicas of Engelbert . . . and cuties! They are best friends. They swim together, follow each other, they do everything together. They are the closest fish I’ve ever seen and it is too cute. The snails are also getting really close! And the fish are still babies. Soon they will look exactly like Engelbert, but with two eyes and a black tail! Also the fish treat the snails nicely, which is awesome. Never had fish other than Engelbert that treated the snails without aggression. 😛 Meet Chocolate, Chip, and snails, Milly, and Jude! (Oh, also, I know they look like reflections. That’s how much they look alike and how close they are! NONE of these pictures are reflections of a fish. All of these pictures have two fish in them. 🙂 )

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And last but not least, the rest of my entourage . . .

 

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THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING!

REST IN PEACE TO ENGELBERT, A BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, CUTE, HAPPY FISH!

2012-2014 (In Our Hearts Forever♥)

(and thanks to Chocolate and Chip and all other pets and humans who have helped me through it. Couldn’t have done it without you!) 🙂

Love forever,

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